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Brian

[ website | .:Seven.am:. ]
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its been a long time you [10 Oct 2004|04:00pm]
but ive grown since then and said my goodbye. Youre still with me as much as you think youre not.
3 leave
melove

hello add me if you havent [22 Sep 2004|10:26am]
the_diamond_way

take care
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melove

new [19 Sep 2004|02:56pm]
the_diamond_waythe_diamond_way

mmmhmmm add it
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melove

new journal [17 Sep 2004|05:08pm]
this one just is just eh

Add me baby

yes my lovleys
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melove

i know the day will come when all the pain caused from my dreams, will eat me alive and turn me sou [15 Sep 2004|12:54am]
im terrified of the day to come where all my sacrafices turn on me
the day i have to deal with the pain ive been dealing out so generously.
is there some hope you can you provide me with some sort of bent truth to show this through

for me to see farther than a foot, to realize what i should do?
if i practice what i preach wont i be the one to fall
after all this time, all the work needed to play
it amounts up to nothing at all

im just swimming to the top so i can drown. ive gone through life and its ups and downs.
not one time did i use it as an excuse or a reason to fall.
searching for the mistake, the missed word to connect it all

so many words and phrases looked over and again
to make my delibert pain worthy of sin


when will i know
is this the meaning of sacrafice.
or is my brain finding a way to make it seem right.
so i can go on guiltless and in bliss

im a product of my thoughts
manifested through life's mindless plot



haha jesus thats lame

lost it half way through but i tried.. yeah im gay
1 leave
melove

cali in the morning [08 Sep 2004|11:37pm]
going to california to stay with chris's sister.

cali = sweet as balls

packing and doing laundry right now.

if i die or dont come back.

i love you all so dearly and you have touched me in so many ways.

if youre bored on friday . go to the mint 6 ten show at the rockskate park in blueash.

otherwise i will be back on the 14th

love you<3
2 leave
melove

a minor thing [06 Sep 2004|12:22pm]
septermber 6th, 2004.i remember 9/11/01 the planes hit and our math teacher made us finish and we werent allowed to watch tv. then every class after that it was nothing but tv. I remember thinking like damn terrorists are psychos. then i thought what is their reasoning for this. The end of the day was quiet as hell. everyone just went home and did what they had to do meanwhile our country had been attacked. Something i thought was pretty funny, we didnt know eddie at that point but he was in the middle school, and he said that they come over the intercom and told the kids that it was an accident and no one died. he was in 8th grade. Something else that got me was the girl i was dating at the time. im not sure what we were fighting about something one way or another she was being a bitch, so i told her off. Well after we made up and had talked about the planes and all that, she said "see bri, when were not right, the world isnt right.". I remember thinking you should stand on my left bitch cause you know youre not right. haha i never said it but she definitely was freaking retarded. i know its a little earlier for that but i figure no one wants to read about my experiences on that day.
We practiced our asses of this weekend and it felt awesome. the only thing im worried about is if i can keep up, well better yet can my body. We compiled an entirely new second half of the intro with a solo-y type thing and some pretty interesting time and beat changes. i really like it alot and am proud of it.

I leave for california on the 9th with chris. oh my good god 7 days with chris its going to be so much fun. the girls that live next door to his sisters want us to take them out on a date. which is rad. chris gets to drive how freaking funny is that. chris fisher wont drive in downtown cincinnati but sure he'll drive his sisters car in california. wow i just keep thinking about that and its a riot. im bringing my camera, mass ricky martin clothes, bathroom essentials, and as much money as possible.

If you think of anything else i should bring tell me cause i need help

the only part that is a bummer, ill be leaving the guys behind. i wish they could all come. I cant wait till we get to go outta town and play some more shows its going to amazing. out of town shows are the best. either way when i come back itll be a blast and have plenty of stories to tell. oh damn thats right i wont be in ohio for 9/11. damn thats a shame

well i think im going to work today im not sure i know i have to fix some computers eventually dammit. so i think ill just bear down and do it today. either way i love you all and take care
2 leave
melove

good afternoon [31 Aug 2004|01:41pm]
[ mood | creative ]

i hate depending on others who arent dependable. i myself am a little wary in the area too. im sick of too many questions and half ass answers.
this is my goodbye letter to the state of mind ive been in for the past few months.
+i will depend on no one but myself and i will make it to the top with or without your help.
+im now going to create my own happiness and through that i will love others and be as good a person as i should be.
+ i will enjoy life and its troubles and take their challanges as lessons
+ i will clean myself and my soul up to  a condition nothing short of a good example of for human beings
+ i will work with my anger towards comments and accept the fact that i cant depend on others as much as i would like to because we are all just humans which is not an excuse to let others screw me over but yet a forgiving motive to love those who matter.
+ its either time to go full bore, or walk out the door. ( ill give that a year or so)

im ready. im willing. give me a little head start and the faith that i can. theres no more you, i wasnt lost without you i was lost without myself

-lauren marie i am terribly sorry i didnt call you back. i fell asleep and perhaps had t h e worst night i sleep ever. regardless youre getting a cake in turn for my actions and a call tonight. -

i woke up this morning with some of the most distrubing thoughts of someone telling me how they are going to kill someone i love, and the details were horrifiying. telling me about how their body convulsed and the screams. i seriously woke up in a mode much different than i could have ever been thrown into or created. this was something deep within. my alaram scared me to death. i actually woke exaclty at 630 am. but went back to sleep till 11 then had to pick up jer thank god he was there.

im going to work to help my parents and to maybe make some money then tonight work on computers and hopefully correct them.

adios

2 leave
melove

aireline [31 Aug 2004|01:17am]
[ mood | weird ]

if i listen to aireline anymore im going to kill myself. what an incredible band. their music is seriously something you could just leave a note of suicide and go out with the prettiest sounds in your ears.

im not sure about the look in my eyes anymore.

honestly i couldnt tell you what i am or what i think of myself or what to do if you were in my shoes.

i dont know who i am anymore.

i know i love a few things

music. my friends. my band. the life i led so far. tea and those who care for me and i care about other than my friends. as for anything else

i am a hypocrite.

why did you do that? why...
why did you tell me you did that.
what should i have to suffer because of your mistake.
next time keep it to yourself
and save us from what we are.

leave
melove

uhhhh [28 Aug 2004|06:33pm]
alright sooo here we go --- ive been dying to update this

so lately alot of shit has gone down and it has definitely been a crazy end of the month and i think its going to become much more hectic..

me and jer had talked about taking ed out to dinner and talking to him about the band, so we did. We went to benihanas and the food was amazing. we didnt leave much of a tip as usual but yes it brought back such good memories. On the drive home i had told jer he has to talk to ed and so we did. we the radio loud windows rolled down you hear jerry say "hey can i talk to ya for a second?" ed says sure.

we told him that we think that the band needs to part ways with him for a lot of reasons but soley wants to stay his friend. This year hes got a full core scheudule, a senior exit action project and an extra english class on top of 5 core classes a day from aug till june. Not to mention his full time job at best buy in the appliances department. There have been previous talks and all we asked that we give it all weve got(the band that is) and see where it goes. well hearing a few times over and over yes and im all for it kinda stuff was great but the thing was, whenever it came time to actually take action from his words there was always an excuse. We had a show at eastside with my hotel year; the night before we asked him to come practice because we hadnt since tennesee in july and wanted to make sure we had our sound tight and together. We had told him previously in the day "were going to practice tonight" he said "ok". Jer rolls by his house at 10ish cause thats the only time it could come all together. ed gives him a bunch of bullshit reasons such as; i need to get up early, im watching a movie, im tired, no one called, its too late. so me jer and jake practiced what we could and went home. well at the show the next day we did a terrible job partly due to me because of not actually being there before we played i was an exit away from the place off of 275 getting some snocones i get a call of "hey get up here were playing now" when i left they told us we were playing at 1130... so yeah that figures i literally came in sat down adjusted to things on my set and we started playing. i felt horrible bc i we had so many people watching us and i didnt get a good vibe from playing. secondly before the show ed was saying "ive lost my spark for this band, and its becoming work".

sure you can have doubts but thats like a confession and it bothered me mostly because thats how he acted, not only did he say it but basically he ment it.

believe me having to part ways with one of our best friends because of musical differences is not fucking easy and if there was a way we could make it easy we would have done or better yet found a way to have fixed the problem.

having to see ed hear all this and just to see him get upset tore me apart.

as we got outta the car me and jer just sighed and didnt say much for a good 10 minutes.

today ed came and got his cab and guitar. hes so bitter. but what i dont understand is that he didnt fight it, yeah so he wants this band thing so bad its going to upset him and make him pissed to never talk to us but as we were telling him he didnt fight a bit of it. just accepted it. if i think about it long enough i realize that he knows he just did what he wanted and that was that.
im not at all saying wow our band is amazing and jeeze you suck were kicking you out. its nothing like that. it was time to move on, things werent turning out how they should have and not enough effort was put in. the sadest part of this whole thing is eddies dad. seriously if anyone ever really backed us it was him. He truly is such a nice guy, so fun to be around really uplifting and just a great person to have as we had him. it was like he was part of the band in a way. he was at every show besides 3 in the past year, and has done so much for us. whenever i was depressed he was always there to help, whenever the band needed something he didnt think twice, he drove to every show, spent all this money on us, devoted all this time and effort and we moved on from his son. i still owe him like 32 dollars whichi i plan on paying. the thing is how do we make up for that, how do we show him appreciation for what he has done. i honestly cant think of anything. but in time im sure i will. i just cant help but be sorry or feel like ive let people down. the thing is we still want to be good friends with ed, and i guess in time we will but who knows.

we now have mitch watson as our bassist and weve been practicing with him to teach him the songs and it is amazing.

4 people all contributing to writing/ ideas/ and to laugh with.

we wrote a killer song just by screwing around in literally 5 minutes of placement and preparation. we had all the ideas already laid out but just pretty much let it flow and it was finished jake had lyrics was singing and we all practiced it and loved it.

the relationship between jer me jake and mitch is like non other we all work off of each other. its seriously awesome.

also the whole experience with jerry and i, being in a band together and getting thus far....just laughing with him is like a dream ( no im not gay and im not wanting him to be my lover)
its just the shit that happens to us and what we see as funny is incredible im so happy to be his friend and have met him. him and select others are on the best friends list.

the end of something is the beginning of something new.


i dont know what else to say
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melove

wow so much to say be prepared [25 Aug 2004|03:50am]
tomorrow i will explain
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melove

[23 Aug 2004|03:37am]
jesus there is way too much on my mind... between the anonymous post on seven.am's livejouranl community to fucking school and so much more... i dont know how to tackle it all... im calm i just dont understand what route to go with these things..
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melove

just dance [22 Aug 2004|05:25am]
tonight was a fun ass night..
me
travis
jerry
chris
dustin(trlp)
Mike(trlp)

all went to a party at a girls house named jessie

weve been hanging with her and a few people from school and theyre a fun bunch of kids so it was a good time..

when we got there at 10 they were all drunk and slowly sobered up the rest of the night

i will not disclose any details but i can just one line...

"well if you two kiss then grab each of their boobs at the same time criss crossed then its not gay but if you both kiss then it is"

hahahaha oh man the one fucking time without my camera

the adventure me and dustin had the other night was a trip i took him home at 7 in the morning and there was a huge fuckign grasshopper inside my car we stopped screamed and pushed it out wow hilarious the red light pledge fellas are awesome and

were glad to hear trent is out of the hospital

secondly its 5am and im tryping wow.

tonight im going to a movie with jessica and hanging out with her that will be a good time were going to see open water muhaha so who knows

im stoked as hell to go to tennesee with the red light pledge and to see lauren shes a really cool girl shes setting it all up purty much and taking care of us.. What more could you ask for?

anyways

weve got business to do here shortly and with the band and such..
yeah.

make sure you pick up a copy of jakes solo cd when it comes out.. its very special and youll love it
if you need one ask me or him www.jakelevinrideshisbike.tk

lastly im excited for what the next few weeks hold in store maybe <3 maybe tradgety maybe fucking nothing at all.. but somehow i know theres a change of sort..

goodnight my lovers

<3 you

(haha i got your bedtime story right hurr)

and you yes you mhmm (♥)
2 leave
melove

evening [20 Aug 2004|02:20am]
[ mood | amused ]

things have happened--
-- things have ended
things have been mended

its time for fun, for life and for everything else that makes me feel..right...

like my old self


thanks to all who make me feel good and the even the ones that dont i love you all dearly...even to the ones i dont talk to much...regardless of what you think im still here..just as i will always be..

upcoming events---
+ going to tennessee for more shows via lauren(coolest chick in the world) shes setting them up and such

+starting college sep 22

+new direction/dimension with the band... and alot to come from that...youre gonna love it... we will actually  be good! haha


                              be good to one another...

love yo cakes<3

leave
melove

tonight was cool [17 Aug 2004|04:07am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

so tonight i got drunk with my mom at long horn... wow tequila fucking killed me.. my stomach was on fire.. fisher came and picked me up it and we met evan jake and jer at starbucks.. then we went to tealtown to hang and figure out what to do... we ended up doing what i guess anyone in our situation would.. me jer and ed played some music.. only after we fucking practically begged ed to play 5 songs with us.. sadly enough that was his last 5 songs he will play... i believe his first excuse not to was.." man im tired" then "my guitar is all the way in my car outside". It was sad and seriously fucking ridiculus...but he left soon after cause he knows.. he mentioned to jer like "ill give 110% to the band " and then we ask him to play fucking 5 songs just for the FUN of it he tried to find every way out of it. music isnt music when you feel like its a job.

after he left mitch watson was there and we asked him to play some bass. killer bassist and really cool guy. we jammed a little and it felt good. Also it was nice to have jer on guitar again.. well cause either way men and him write the songs well he writes all the parts and while i just help put it all together and figure out whats beats to do and give ideas( yeah im expendable haha) but yeah so playing was fun, and after that we went to udf and attempted to get hot chocolate and of course the one thing to have made our night gets fucked.

the goddamn employee mopping the floor got a serious "i hate you " look on his face right as i walked towards the machine. Then i asked "Should i not be walking on this?" he just gave me the hesitated "Yeah...youre not" like i was doing something wrong. so loudy i walked away with " wow no hot chocolate that guy is a dick" and he just stood starring. what a fucking pussy, ive heard that guy talk to all the liittle hick kids like "yeah i was in the navy and theres stuff i cant tell you" haha like wow buddy do you get off to making yourself feel important, quit working at fucking udf bitch.. wow sorry that pissed me off but i mean what else can he do he must hate his life. its his misfortune not mine.

and as usual i stayed up late as fuck and didnt really do anything productive.
i fixed some girls computer that works for us. i hope shes happy with it. made 50 bucks in 5 hrs so thats cool
and ive been haha scheduled to fix my aunts so shit man thats cool
some other good news and ideas
---nashville tn may be a new home in some time
                      me jer jake and whoever may move there

---ive been looking into belmont college and itt tech stuff
                      and i will kill to wake up everyday in a different state, just to feel change on such a dramatic level

i dont know why anyone would want to live in cincinnati, its full of haters, hicks, assholes and dicks, and not to mention gangstas with shitty civics
holy shit i didnt mean to rhyme any of that wow
but yeah fuck cincinnati theres much more to the world than a city thats this cold

one more thing
why do songs like ( pilot - oh oh oh its magic) make me wanna cry... weird i think its cause it reminds me of being a kid or something wow so sad
download it you might feel it as well

ah yes the good old days

2 leave
melove

its always so hard [15 Aug 2004|03:29pm]
to think of people who you thought were different but turn out to be nothing as they seemed.




i am cursed. or is this karma? wouldnt doubt either.
leave
melove

finally [12 Aug 2004|05:16pm]
[ mood | loved ]

finally things could be stepping up just at the last second right before i caved in on myself i was pulled back.. shes everything i want. and now i have her...
this could be the beginning of something great.

love all of your cakes

leave
melove

i already hate being home [02 Aug 2004|02:15pm]
i had nothing to worry about just what we were doing that day while away...no problems with people......................................FUCK
5 leave
melove

TENNESSEE [30 Jul 2004|03:32am]
playing shows in tennessee.....wow most fun weekend ever....hopefully leave me love byeeeeeeee
2 leave
melove

[24 Jul 2004|10:23pm]



if you want to link us





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melove

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